Monday, 24 August 2009

Starstruck

We are sorry to inform you that due to the arrival of a V.I.H (very important human, yes they do exist. Off course they will never be as important as ME, upps ment US off course) Anyway, we hope to be back on the 27th and in the meantime, we have found some more of the Chief Pigs correspondence.




From: littlepiggies@hotmail.com
To: misspiggy@muppets.com
Subject: Starstruck
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 22:46:00 +0200


My dear Miss Piggy

In the immortal words of the famous pig Oscar Wild Boar: Even if we are lying with our snouts in the mud,some of us are looking at the stars.
I have been looking at the stars and seen no brighter one than you miss Piggy. Your combination of barly contained rage and mindless violence on the muppet show has never been bettered and is the high point in pig acting on the silver screen. And your presence on the screen is formidable. That you were not the chosen pig in "babe" or "Simpsons,the movie" is a shame. Hope you can send me a signed picture of yourself. I would love to get to know you better and fondle your hams so to speak so would take this oppurtunity to invite you to my my castle "Snickerboden" here in Langhe,Piemonte,Italy where we could wallow in the mud while eating truffels and drink Moscato served us be my trusty servant Idar.
But let me first introduce myself. My name is EMIL and it is me on the right of the picture. I live as i said in a big castle and have also a large amount of land where i have humans working for me. Living in the castle with me is my servant which is also in the picture. He is also my stunt double, yes stunt double. I belive that the time has come for a black pig to make it big on the silver screen and am immodest enough to belive that i am the one. Se myself mostly as a character player, but action might be better as a starter since i still have not learned to sit on command. The only thing i will not do is to play whitepig or to shave. Commercials is also good, but not for barbeque sauce. As a sideline i have decided to rent out my stunt double for pigstunts under the motto "you pay,he pray". Trust you will show my picture and resume to your agent and seeing forward to meet you in Hollywood.

Your starstruck

Baron EMIL Von Lønnberget und Snickerboden Antonsen Johansen




From: littlepiggies@hotmail.com
To: misspiggy@muppet.com
Subject: RE: Starstruck
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:01:31 +0200


Dear Ms Piggy

Would like to thank you for the nice picture you sent me, you would not have a more up to date picture to send me as well?
I am off course aware that during your time in the muppet show you had an affair with Kermit the frog but did not know you still are together with him. An affair in Hollywood normally does not last. I am delighted to hear that this years tadpoles are doing great. But would like to point out the thing about frogs, namely that they are good. To eat that is. You know it makes sense and i am sure you can feel the taste of freshly prepared frog in your mouth, they taste like chicken you know. Are you by the way sure you have sent my picture to your agent? I have not heard anything from him which is strange. Seeing forward to meet you in Hollywood.

Your faithful

Baron EMIL Von Lønnberget und Snickerboden Antonsen Johansen




From: littlepiggies@hotmail.com
To: misspiggy@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Starstruck
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:40:34 +0200


Ms Piggy Frog

There is no need to get personal. Those words you used in your mail to me hurt you know. And only because i suggested you should get to know your husband better. Will also point out that you are grammatical wrong when you write that you would like to se me ON the table on Christmas day, you off course mean AT the table. As i still have not heard from your agent i do not belive you will have the pleasure. And I am not gay. I do live together with another pig but as i have pointed out , he is my servant and it a practical solution. I do in fact have a girlfriend and the fact that she is a bitch does not in any way diminish our relationship. Not that there is anything wrong in being gay, no lesser pig than Porky Pig was openly gay as early as the 40´s and look at his career. Even if he was badly treated by Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck his talent shone through until that fateful barbeque. In fact looking at his career it seems more and more that your 15 minutes in the limelight was just that. Having looked at some old episodes of the Muppet show i can tell you that your acting is past it´s sell by date. And looking at the more resent picture you sent me, so are you. Your chops would only be sold at a discount shop. And your Eisbein would not have sold to a drunken Australian during Octoberfest in Munich. And where is the Bacon??? Only in Hollywood would an actress remove all the fat from their body. Did Disney make you do that when they bought the Muppet show? We pigs in the real world like to se some insulation on a pig you know. Do you by the way have any addresses for agents other than your own?

Emil

Saturday, 22 August 2009

Complaints





To celebrate that "Latest News By TamTam" now have more than 1000 visitors I have decided to give you a very special treat.
So here you go! This is some corrospodance we found after the Chief Pig was not satisfied with the service around here.





From: ANPA
@hotmail.com
To: minnipiggi@hotmail.com
Subject: re. Your complaint regarding small swimming pool
Date: thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:09:17 +0200


Dear Mr Emil Antonsen Johansen

It is with great concern we here at A.N.P.A(associazione nationale protezione animali e dell´ambiente) have received regarding your living conditions in Langhe. The story of how you were tricked from the far East with promise of much food and big swimming pool is a well known one. It is not unknown for us that many from the far East is kept as virtual slaves after being tricked in similar ways. We take this very seriously and will inspect your arrangement with your human slavekeepers.

Yours truly

Sorly Missed






From: ANPA@hotmail.com
To: minnipiggi @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: re. Your complaint regarding small swimming pool
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:18:24 +0200


Mr Emil Von Antonsen Johansen

Have just come back from inspecting your living quarters and conditions and interviewing others living there as well. There seems to be some inconsistencies in your story. To start with where you came from, the Asti province is not the far East no matter what you might think. As for the swimming pool, the humans feeding you said you came in a catbox and that the swimming pool was big enough until you got as big as you are now. We also like to remind you that you have a place where you can wallow in the mud. We here at A.N.P.A belive you get enough food and that living conditions are good enough for you and consider this case closed.

Best regards

Sorly Missed



From: ANPA@hotmail.com
To: minnipiggi @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: re. Your complaint regarding small swimming pool
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:06:45 +0200


Sir Emil Von Lønnberget Antonsen Johansen

We here at A.N.P.A consider your case closed. Your story that you have a medical problem that makes you "big" and that you never eat anything is we believe what is legally known as a lie. During our inspection of your home we interviewed the other animals living with you and a totally different story came out. One anonymous pig who said his name was Idar said you were stealing his food and that was the reason he never gets big and by the way, the swimming pool was more than big enough for him. Another animal who likes to be identified only as TT said: He might not eat much, but he certainly eats everything else. he steals my food all the time, he steals everyones food all the time. And in between meals he eats grass. And the "washing" in the pool? Everyone knows that to get cleaned you need to use your tongue not wallow in your own dirt. He acts like a pig and eats like a pig, the great fat b*****d. And they still call ME fat. Other comments from the other range from " applesauce", " where is my food", "voff" to for some reason "perch up". Based on this evidence we can safely say that you are indeed a great fat b*****d.

No regards

Sorly missed






From: ANPA@hotmail.com
To: minnipiggi@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: re. Your complaint regarding small swimming pool
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:20:39 +0200


lord Emil von Lønnberget und Snickerboden

Im am sorry to inform you that Mr Sorly Missed can not be on your case, which anyway is closed. Mr Missed is missing and was last seen hunted by a great fat b*****d of a pig. Dirty it was as well. Furthermore please be aware that the language you are using in your mails are not the one normally used in mails and that great offence is taken here in the office. Any more threatening mails from you and you will know where the apple will go. Will see forward to never hear from you again.

Absolutely without any regards whatsoever

Coss Anobel Bobo
A.N.P.A Barbeque division



Thursday, 20 August 2009

August 20th

Spider too

According to Spider United we are in great need of their help, so they sent a new spider to help with the hunting. A big one! Soon we will have more spiders than mosquitoes; we guess that is a good thing.

The Model Cat says: “What a show off!”




Helping around the house

The Model Cat was this morning observed helping with the housework. He had taken upon himself to control if the freshly washed blankets really was dry enough to be carried inside, and when he does something he does it properly, with out any thought for his own well being.

The Model Cat says: “I am sure, I can still feel a bit of moist here, I let you know when they are ready.”




Waiting for the Lady

Last day we where hoping that The Lady Dog should move in with us. Unfortunately she got delayed and has still not moved in. The Dog took this really bad, but ha is putting on a brave face, and hope that tomorrow will be the day. He is tired of waiting.

The Dog says: “you know the cats, pigs and hens are wonderful to me, but I need a fellow dog by my side.”




New bathtub wanted

To small pigs is in search of a non-shrinking bathtub. This is an urgent matter as a bathing dog is soon to arrive.

The Tiny Pig Said: “It is actually big enough for me, I am only being supportive.”




Pig School

Lately the Chief Pig is having some problems with his training. He refuses to sit on command. In the mean time the Tiny Pig is sitting and sitting and sitting and sitting some more, and eating his rewards.

The Chief Pig says: “I really don’t get the importance of this sitting thing. I don’t like it, and I do so much other things, like lie down, shake a throtter, oh yes I come when I am called at and also when I am not called at.”




Numbers of eggs today: 3




Weather Forecast

Incredible hot. A new day with 35 an up is likely to occur.

The Dog recommends you to be patient, stay in coolest place you know and try to get some water.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

August 18th

Strollers

Now that the rooster has reached adulthood, he has starting to charm his ladies. He likes to take each and everyone of them on private strolls around the property, and he makes sure they all feel special.

The Spokeshen said: “He is an amazing rooster. While the Neighbour Rooster only goes about bragging about how “cool” he is, our Rooster understands that some days unfortunately are bad feather days, and that we than need just a little bit of extra support and understanding.”




Birds

While on the road yesterday, the Car had to stop for a Pheasant crossing the road. This beautiful female did not seem to be in any hurry, so the car just had to wait. Suddenly 2 small birds appeared from behind the car. The Mother Pheasant than went after the kids and got them safely into the undergrowth.

It all went so fast, so we did not get any photographic evidence of their existence, but we did manage to get one of the very caring mom.

The Dog said: “As a possible father to be, I was so worried when I saw the kids crossing the road. Luckily the Mother seemed to be in total control.”




Resting in the water

During yesterdays visit to meet the Lady Dog, she as normally insisted to take a rest in the river. Strangely enough she was not the only one who enjoyed this incredible strange behaviour; she was kept accompanied by a very small toad.

The Lady Dog said: “Jeeze; copycats are everywhere!”




Spider

In this home there are several good hunters. Not the Dog off course, but even the pigs many to hunt down a moth every now and then. Still, there is some not so welcome insect living around here, so we have for the time being hired a spider to help.

The Tiny Pig said: “I prefer to hunt tomatoes, nuts, potatoes, cherries, carrots, apples, peaches, eggs, corn, Hey I am not finished here!”

The Chief Cat said: “I think they got the hint Tiny Pig!”




A helping paw

The other day The Dogs friend The Big Huge Dog was having a lot of humans over, and was in need of The Dogs help and support in keeping these humans under controll. Being his incredible nice and helpful self The Dog immediately ordered a car and urged over to help his friend in need. Together the 2 friends had no problems controlling the herds from their control centre under the table.

The Big Huge Dog said: “Thank you, Thank you, Thank you my friend!”




Number of eggs today: 3




Weather forecast

The usual! Hot hot hot!

The Dog recommends you to stay calm and not waste your energy.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

August 15th

This news is dedicated to our morning routines, and it all happened before 7 o’clock this morning.



Hunger strike
Today the Pigs woke up really early, and they woke up to a very unpleasant crisis. Their hunger was even worse than normal. It was actually so bad that immediately breakfast was needed, even though it was 3 hours early. (UN) Luckily the Tiny Pig is a great speaker, so before he reached the breakfast area a freshly woken human was waiting with an apple.
The Tiny Pig said: “I just hate to wake up being hungry! It is not fare; still it seems to happen all the time. It is so bad that I have started to look into the possibility of sleep eating.”



Unwelcome visitor
Suddenly this scorpion was crawling over the floor. We immediately got frighten he was out to steal or food. The bastard (only poison in August, oh which month is it?) was captured (for once we left this to a human!) and left under a nice big stone with a lot of ants to eat.
The Scorpion said: “I was looking for the stone, but must have taken a wrong turn (or several) along the way. Thank you for supplying me with a taxi.”



The Crowing Game
The Rooster is now feeling so happy about his crowing, so he has joined the local crowing game with the other Roosters in the neighbourhood. His crowing still needs some final adjustment, so he hasn’t won the game yet, still we are very proud of him for daring to try.
The Rooster say: “KykescrrrrrriiiiiiLY”



MINE!
A not at all jealous Chief Cat had to tell the members of The Hen Department who is the BIG BOSS around here today. This was done by spraying his signature (with big letters) all around their enclosure. Not easy for a neutered cat like the Chief Cat, but it had to be done.
The Chief Cat said: “It is a hard job, but somebody has to do it:”



Romance in the air
With the Neighbour Dog still in heat, the Dog went to pay her a little romantic visit. She really appreciated it, as The Dogs serenade was especially composed for the occasion. He had practised it to perfection the evening before, with a lot of constructional criticism from the Cats, and The Model Cat even gave some pruning tips.
Unfortunately the Neighbour Humans did not understand the Dogs need for breakfast, so in the end he returned home for a nice big bowl of his favourite food. The Dog said: “She is so lovely! But all heroes need food, including me.”



Number off eggs today: So far 1, but it is still early.




Weather Forecast

This morning we actually had a lot of clouds. Than the Sun rised and scared them all away. Yet another hot day will be the result.
The Dog recommends you to keep those fluids coming, especially if you need a lot of energy for some romantic singing.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

August 12th

Crowing school

Being on bed rest has giving the Rooster a lot of time to practice his new found crowing. The crowing is still no KYKELIKYYY. Still the practice has done wonder and he is now got to scriscriscriscream. The chicks are still amazed and are hanging around his cage as flies to honey.

The Rooster keeps saying: “scriscriscriSCREAM”




Kicking up dust

The Spokeshens secret sandbathbeach was to day discovered. The Spokeshen was at the time enjoying a sand wave produced at some well done dust kicking.

The Spokeshen said: “Can’t a girl enjoy a private bath in peace anymore?”




Payback

After seeing the Pig stealing from their feeder, the Hens thought it was time for payback. Actually the Pig food is so tasty that the fact that the hen house has been secured and therefore the feeder these days is totally pigfree does not seem to get the hens of their path of revenge.

The Spokeshen said: “Ever heard about intrest?”




Cat in dogbed

The latest day the Model Cat has several times been caught sleeping in a dog bed.

The Model Cat say: “Who decided the bed is for dogs anyway?”




LoverDog

This morning The Dog was just gone. With his mother gone he seems to have taken up some bad habits. We were all very concerned for him, and we all went looking for him (human more than the rest of us). Safely back home he did had a happy smile all over his face, but he refuse to let us know anything about it. Luckily the neighbours weren't that silent about it, and told us that there dog in heat had escaped together with their male dog and their female hunting dog, currently in heat. Due to the dogs anatomy, The Dog is expected to be a father in about 8 weeks.

The Chief Cat says: “This is actually outrages, this would so not have happened when The God Mother Dog was around."




Number off eggs today: 3




Weather forecast

From hot to hotter.

The Dog recommends you do bring a lot of water if you are to go hiking.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

August 11th

Where have all the silence gone?

Saturday we all heard some very strange noises. It sounded like someone screaming. The Rooster had left his last vow of silence and decided it was time to crow. Unfortunately he still need a lot (and lots and lots) of training. Fortunately the Neighbour Rooster is doing his best to tutor.

The Spokeshen said: “You know, he is just such a MAN!”




Life just isn’t too bad

After being sentence to stay in closed until the wine harvest is over, the Pigs got a little bored. After continues breaking out of their pen, they had to move into a more closed facility. This new facility has a swimming pool and in-built air-condition. Continues snacks delivery is also appreciated. It is actually so good in there that they are waiting to be let in again after they have been out eating.

The Pig Department have given the following statement: “When you think life is getting a little sad, well, sometimes life gives you a water melon, and you are right back on top.”




Alone

Yesterday the Dog was left at the house while the human left. This was the first time after his mother died, so spite being in the splendid company of 4 cats, 2 pigs, 5 hens and a rooster, he still felt a little lost and alone. Therefore he went for a walk. Luckily he met up with one of the neighbour dogs and her human, and they took him on a long walk.

The Dog said: “It was actually fun!”




Party Party

After The Dogs big escape yesterday the Human decided he needed to join her at the local dinner, or at least that is how his official story goes. Anyway he got back home bragging about how he was the king of the ball. (Unfortunately) our secure source confirms this (awful) bragging.

The Dog said: “They all loved me, and I loved them all!”




One scary night

A lot of thunderstorms have been bothering the neighbourhood lately. For some this can seem a little scary, so Cats and Dogs have to work together to comfort the humans. That is way The Dog and The Primadonna Cat suddenly found themselves laying next to each other on top of a human midnight.

The Primadonna Cat said: The Dog was shivering so bad, that I just could not help taking pity of him. It is not likely to happen again!”




More bad weather

The Sun has been working so hard the last weeks, that yesterday she decided to take a 30 min beak. A nasty raincloud did his best to make his best of this opportunity, and you might say he succeeded. At least he managed to give us 49 mm the half hour of his life. Nobody seemed to be really thankful for his effort.

The Model Cat said: “What about some moderation? Only asking. All this water isn’t really going paw in paw with my beauty nap plan you know!”




The BIG rescue

Today a beetle was rescued from the Henhouse. This kind of beetle seems to be the only beetle who survives a meeting with the Hen Department. We have not come to a conclusion of why this beetle manage to avoid death like this, but so far research are leaning towards that the size may has something to do with it.

The Spokeshen said: "Frighten, HA! He just does not taste good."





Delays

We would like to apologize for the delays regarding this issue of the news, but unfortunately we live in a district where internet connection and thunderstorms is not a happy match. Please forgive us, the weather and maybe also our internet supplier.




The Poll!

Remember to vote at the poll if you would like to read anymore biographies. We need at least 30 votes before next biography will be released.




Number of eggs today: 2




Weather forecast

It is hard to say these days. These thunderstorms seem to jump out of the sky, literally.

The Dog recommend you to have a dry soundproof safe place on continues standby.

Friday, 7 August 2009

August 7th

Dog dating

Yesterday the Dog went for a date with his lovely young lady. She was such a Lady, and the Dog only had 2 problems. The first was to keep the other guys away from her. The other one he is still struggling with. He really likes her, but is a little worried about her mental health after she just walked straight out in the river and laid down. Didn’t she know that water is bad for your fur?

After a seriously consideration he has come to the conclusion though that he would love for her to come and live with us.

The Dog says: “She might not be perfect, like my mother was, but next to that, she is really something special.”




Rooster looser

Suddenly the Rooster had a relapse. Therefore the poor rooster is now back to quarantine and meds. Nobody is happy about the situation, but at least both his spirit and weight are much better now than last time he was ill.

The Rooster said: “At least this quarantine has plenty of food and water, my favourites.”




Pigs in trouble

The Pigs have been sentence to spend their upcoming weeks in their pen after being caught rednoosed eating grapes in the wine yards. This is NOT a good choice if you want a long happy pig life. Unfortunately the Chief Pig refuses to realize that eating grapes may be dangerous for his health, so his new hobby is now escaping.

The Chief Pig said: “I just can’t help myself, the taste is pure delight.”




Angry Cat

Last night the Primadonna cat wanted to go to sleep, and she had decided that the humans bed was the place for her upcoming nap. You can imagine her chock when she found the door closed! The humans lame excuse about the door being close due to a draft……

The Primadonna Cat said: “There is no excuse for a closed door!”




The Invite

We are glad to announce that The Dogs date has said yes to our invitation to come and live with us.

The Lady Dog said: “The Dog wasn’t half bad, quit handsome actually. The rumours also have it that the humans are trained to satisfaction.”




Number of eggs today: 3




Weather forecast

It is actually looking like it is going to rain!

The Dog recommends you to make sure that your favourite pillows will not get wet.