Starstruck

We are sorry to inform you that due to the arrival of a V.I.H (very important human, yes they do exist. Off course they will never be as important as ME, upps ment US off course) Anyway, we hope to be back on the 27th and in the meantime, we have found some more of the Chief Pigs correspondence.

From: littlepiggies@hotmail.com
To: misspiggy@muppets.com
Subject: Starstruck
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 22:46:00 +0200


My dear Miss Piggy

In the immortal words of the famous pig Oscar Wild Boar: Even if we are lying with our snouts in the mud,some of us are looking at the stars.
I have been looking at the stars and seen no brighter one than you miss Piggy. Your combination of barly contained rage and mindless violence on the muppet show has never been bettered and is the high point in pig acting on the silver screen. And your presence on the screen is formidable. That you were not the chosen pig in "babe" or "Simpsons,the movie" is a shame. Hope you can send me a signed picture of yourself. I would love to get to know you better and fondle your hams so to speak so would take this oppurtunity to invite you to my my castle "Snickerboden" here in Langhe,Piemonte,Italy where we could wallow in the mud while eating truffels and drink Moscato served us be my trusty servant Idar.
But let me first introduce myself. My name is EMIL and it is me on the right of the picture. I live as i said in a big castle and have also a large amount of land where i have humans working for me. Living in the castle with me is my servant which is also in the picture. He is also my stunt double, yes stunt double. I belive that the time has come for a black pig to make it big on the silver screen and am immodest enough to belive that i am the one. Se myself mostly as a character player, but action might be better as a starter since i still have not learned to sit on command. The only thing i will not do is to play whitepig or to shave. Commercials is also good, but not for barbeque sauce. As a sideline i have decided to rent out my stunt double for pigstunts under the motto "you pay,he pray". Trust you will show my picture and resume to your agent and seeing forward to meet you in Hollywood.

Your starstruck

Baron EMIL Von Lønnberget und Snickerboden Antonsen Johansen




From: littlepiggies@hotmail.com
To: misspiggy@muppet.com
Subject: RE: Starstruck
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:01:31 +0200


Dear Ms Piggy

Would like to thank you for the nice picture you sent me, you would not have a more up to date picture to send me as well?
I am off course aware that during your time in the muppet show you had an affair with Kermit the frog but did not know you still are together with him. An affair in Hollywood normally does not last. I am delighted to hear that this years tadpoles are doing great. But would like to point out the thing about frogs, namely that they are good. To eat that is. You know it makes sense and i am sure you can feel the taste of freshly prepared frog in your mouth, they taste like chicken you know. Are you by the way sure you have sent my picture to your agent? I have not heard anything from him which is strange. Seeing forward to meet you in Hollywood.

Your faithful

Baron EMIL Von Lønnberget und Snickerboden Antonsen Johansen




From: littlepiggies@hotmail.com
To: misspiggy@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Starstruck
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:40:34 +0200


Ms Piggy Frog

There is no need to get personal. Those words you used in your mail to me hurt you know. And only because i suggested you should get to know your husband better. Will also point out that you are grammatical wrong when you write that you would like to se me ON the table on Christmas day, you off course mean AT the table. As i still have not heard from your agent i do not belive you will have the pleasure. And I am not gay. I do live together with another pig but as i have pointed out , he is my servant and it a practical solution. I do in fact have a girlfriend and the fact that she is a bitch does not in any way diminish our relationship. Not that there is anything wrong in being gay, no lesser pig than Porky Pig was openly gay as early as the 40´s and look at his career. Even if he was badly treated by Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck his talent shone through until that fateful barbeque. In fact looking at his career it seems more and more that your 15 minutes in the limelight was just that. Having looked at some old episodes of the Muppet show i can tell you that your acting is past it´s sell by date. And looking at the more resent picture you sent me, so are you. Your chops would only be sold at a discount shop. And your Eisbein would not have sold to a drunken Australian during Octoberfest in Munich. And where is the Bacon??? Only in Hollywood would an actress remove all the fat from their body. Did Disney make you do that when they bought the Muppet show? We pigs in the real world like to se some insulation on a pig you know. Do you by the way have any addresses for agents other than your own?

Emil